Suzette Hinton Words Do Hurt Me
|May 31, 2013||Posted by under In The Spirit Book Club|
Words Do Hurt Me
Words Do Hurt Me
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Suzette_Hinton]Suzette Hinton
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. That’s a crock! An absolute crock! Whoever wrote this didn’t have a clue.
I concur with Robert Fulghum, US author and Unitarian clergyman, who said, “Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts…” Many of us are getting the sticks and stones of life now because of the pain of words ill-spoken.
Words like “your momma won’t nothing and you won’t be nothing either” wounds our self esteem. How can you esteem yourself, if people whom you respect or have authority afflict you with such words? It’s even more disheartening when you succeed in life despite those words yet you cannot enjoy it because something inside of you feels unworthy. You’ve achieved but you feel like a fraud. It wasn’t enough.
I have a theory. If you have to “prove” something, then something inside of you is undecided about your value. At a deep level, you aren’t sure if you are worthy. However, instead of facing your pain, you seek to achieve something to prove you’re okay.
The hurting words are no longer outside of you, but are inside your head taunting you, bullying you, criticizing you. You’ve become your own abuser.
I remember the pain of words spoken. My mom had no malicious intent whatsoever. My sisters and I were often invited to sing on programs at church. Despite the adulations of others, my mother never ever expressed any pride in our talents. When people would say, “Alice, I know you’re proud of your daughters” she would shrug it off. I can’t remember but I must have asked her why she did that because I recall her response, “I don’t want you to grow up thinking you are so much.” What she meant was she didn’t want us to grow up snooty or arrogant or condescending because of our talent. But it affected my self image in a negative way.
It wasn’t evident immediately. In fact, it wasn’t until college that I become aware of the pain. I was romantically involved with a young man. He was funny and charismatic. We had a great time together. The defining moment came when we went to a church event. The people at the church knew me. I got goo-gobs of attention, hugs, and kisses. I enjoyed it.
Noticing that my friend was seated, I tried to include him by introducing him and inviting him to join me. He refused. During the ride back home, he sulked. He accused me of being Ms. Popular. But what really stung was, “you would do anything for attention wouldn’t you?” Those words push the play button of my mother’s original words. Immediately, I tried to convince him that I wasn’t the bad person he was making me out to be.
I felt responsible and apologized profusely. After all, it wasn’t his fault. It was my fault that I had hurt him so badly that he wouldn’t believe me. He continued to hurl verbal accusations that put me down even further. I felt worse and worse. I called him repeatedly. When he’d finally answer, he was cold and distant. I even drove to his house. He told me to leave him alone and exploded angrily. He went for broke! He finally yelled it was over and he didn’t want a girl like me.
I was devastated. I turned on myself. In my eyes, I was a failure. I messed up. Now, I didn’t have the man I adored because of me. My mother didn’t want me to be Miss High and Mighty and I had failed. I hurt. I hurt so bad. I was a bad girl. I hurt someone that I loved. I kept telling God that I didn’t mean to be that way. I desperately asked God to change me.
Words do hurt. Blinded by his own pain, my boyfriend harmed me. Blinded by her own pain, my mother’s words had harmed me. Damaging words can become internalized and can position you in life as the abused or the abuser. But Truth sets us free. Truth spoke to my agonizing heart and reminded me of who I am and how irrefutably valuable I am. I was then ready to heal.
Suzette R. Hinton, SAC-I, Certified Life and Mentor Coach, Counselor and Mother. Graduate of CANA, Inc. ( http://www.coachtrainingacademy.com ) and Founder of Purposeful Connections. Suzette believes that purpose is not only a destination but it is the energy that pushes us toward its fulfillment.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Words-Do-Hurt-Me&id=318255] Words Do Hurt Me
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Suzette was born in Kinston, North Carolina and resides in the capital city of Raleigh. She is a devoted mother, writer, counselor, coach, musician and friend. She has a natural talent for business and has been instrumental in pioneering several businesses. She is the founder of a for-profit coaching and consulting business called Purposeful Connections. Prior, she provided individual and group counseling to alcohol and substance abuse clients. She has conducted a self-help heterogenous group called Straight Talk, a no holds barred forum where males and females discuss relational problems. It was sponsored by a non-profit organization, Relationship Support Network, Inc., which she also founded.
Suzette received training as a certified life coach and mentor coach from The Coaching Academy of North America, Inc. Reinforcing her training is a Bachelors degree in Mathematics and Natural Science and an Associates degree in Human Services Technology with a specialization in Substance Abuse.